Ho! Ho! Ho!

Merry Christmas to all. If you roll some other way, well happy whatever to you too. I don't mean to offend -- I love everybody. You'll notice Kwanzaa Santa up there. What a novel concept, eh? I'm down with Black Santa, but that crazy Borishnokov headgear might be a bit much. Do many Russians celebrate Kwanzaa? If not, they're missing out because they already have the perfect hats.

That reminds me, the other day I was in Wal-Mart perusing the Christm...err... Holiday Card selection, and found one of a little Jewish boy sitting on Santa's lap saying "Well, while you're in the neighborhood you should swing by my house for some __________ and ________" only with Jewish food and drink in those lines, I just forget the words. Anyway, it cracked me up.

I also noticed something else I hadn't seen before -- black people on Christmas cards in Wal-Mart. Now, maybe this has been going on for decades and they weren't just hot-ticket items in the Walnut Ridge Wal-Mart, but I'd never seen them if so. The next logical step to me seems to be Christmas cards in spanish (tarjetas de Navidad en español). You see just as many Hispanics in Wal-Mart loading up on their Navidad goods as you do white and black people, so why not give them some of their own Christmas cards? Put a Mexican dude (or chica) on there, and all the words en español, and you've got yourself a big winner right there. I'd snatch up four or five for my good friends at Salsa's Grill (where they roll out the UCA discount. Also, I'm getting real close to "John Travolta in Lucky Numbers" status there, since every time I'm in there I get the same booth. Might as well just slap my name, pretty mug, and a cheap plug for Getoffus.com on the table).

Anyhow, I guess I need to address some sports here. I'm going to go ahead and venture a guess that I end up cracking my cousin right in the nose sometime around 1:40 in the afternoon today. I will be glued to the wonderful NBA action, and when everybody gets here for the Christmas dinner at 1:30, he's going to want to roll it over to A Christmas Story , his favorite movie of all time. If we end up with that on, one of us is going to hang out with the birthday boy. I wonder if there's cake.

With this being a sports blog and all, and this being Christmas, I feel like getting in the spirit. With there being 12 days of Christmas and all, I'd like to pass out some fake gifts to folks in the sports world -- one for each day.

1. To Sugar Bears assistant coach Jeremy Carson: DVD operational skills.
2. To KCON/KUCA Dictator Monty Rowell: A private Lear, home games, bourbon.
3. To Bears basketball coach Rand Chappell: Moon shoes. This is kind of a selfish gift, as I think it would make games that much more entertaining.
4. To the UCA football team: A copy of the 7th Floor Crew hit recorded by the Miami players. We've got to get a version going here. The '85 Bears had the Super Bowl Shuffle, The U has this, so UCA needs to get in gear.
5. To UCA football coach Clint Conque: A backup QB, and Peyton Hillis.
6. To the UCA men's soccer program: A conference.
7. To UA football coach Houston Nutt: A buyout.
8. To the Chicago Cubs: A Sammy Sosa corked bat to the head if you trade Mark Prior.
9. To 94 percent of Arkansas: A pair of Mitch-Mustain autographed underdraws.
10. To injured A-State baller Jerry Nichols: A fresh new pair of adidas and positive karma.
11. To Texass QB Vince Young: A national championship.
12. To my fantasy basketball team: Some blocks.

Alright, I think it's time to hit the hay so I can wake up to Santa goodies under the tree. Or maybe it'd be a good time to go carolling around the greater Hoxie metropolitan area. Either way, have a wonderful Christmas. Cherish the time you have with your family and the fruitcake.